Ohhhh Spermaton. One of my girlfriends actually nicknamed this one. I’m sure she is smiling as she read this title. Let’s start from the beginning.

There were so many red flags, I have no idea what I was thinking. Literally. What is wrong with me?! I had been texting this guy for a little bit back and forth as he recently had a pretty intense surgery. Sounds like he was having a rough time as he had just moved to the city, hadn’t found a job yet and had to have this emergency surgery! Yikes. He thought he was hilarious and would shoot as many jokes as he possibly could. It was exhausting. And honestly, he wasn’t funny at all. Ha! But, I was just getting back in the dating game and decided to go out with him. What intrigued me about him is that he had silver hair. Just prematurely grey in his 20s. Poor guy, but he OWNED it.

Once he was able to get out of the house, we met up for dinner. Dinner was fine, conversation was good, and then somehow he brought up he had a son. I’m sorry– **spits out margarita** WHAT?! Didn’t think to mention this in the few weeks before as we were texting? Here’s the thing, I know people don’t like bringing up they have a child on the first date, but to me it comes across as if you are embarrassed of them. Shouldn’t you be proud of your kid? Shouldn’t they be the center of your world? There’s nothing wrong with single parents dating, everyone needs some love–  but the circumstances with this one were way under played. Maybe my childhood has a large part of how I react to single parents, but anyways– I digress.

It just kept going downhill from there. Turns out, his kid is only 4 months old and his child’s mother was the one to end things between them RIGHT before the baby was born. This means he had to move out  of ‘their’ house and find a new place to live, still jobless I might add. This is what I don’t understand: you’re newly single, you’re a new dad, you have no job, you just had surgery, and you’re trying to figure out how to co parent with someone you really don’t like– WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO DATE?! You have so many other things to focus on right now man! I could clearly see this. How could he not? There are many women out there who are fixers– DON’T BE A FIXER. You don’t need to be the one to fix him. He needs to be strong enough to figure out his own life before jumping into making a life with someone else. After I learned about his kid, I did a little digging when I got home from our date via the social media. I learned that the woman is his DATING PROFILE is his baby mama. Super weird. Also, she looked A LOT like me. Also super weird… After out first date, he started to complain to me about his son’s mother. That isn’t super attractive either. You’re just proving my point here!

Unfortunately, for me, I agreed to a second date to confirm that I indeed was insane for even thinking about giving this guy a chance. The plan was to go to dinner and then go play some mini golf. At dinner we talked about his hopes and desires for the future. This conversation got interesting as he explained that he would never get married because, “I will most likely end up having a kid with that woman, and then getting divorced. In which I would then have two kids with two baby mama’s, and no one enjoys that”. I’m not exactly sure what my face looked like when he said that. But it was something along like the lines of ‘WTF’ and hysterically laughing at the same time while awkwardly looking around the room to get the check. What to be optimistic, my friend. I couldn’t handle anymore after dinner. I completely made up the excuse of just wanting to go home and chill and not go play mini golf. I couldn’t handle any more awkward moments with this man.

We got back to my house and I politely told him that I just wasn’t in a place where I could stand by his side while he figured out his life. That was the adult thing to do right? Be honest with him? I also told him that I believed he should focus on his child at the moment because you will never get the newborn stage back (maybe a little too much advice for someone who doesn’t have kids of her own). I just don’t understand men who are ‘ok’ with taking a backseat to their children’s life. In my opinion, it just shows me that you probably wouldn’t be the right person for me to have kids with in the future if you are that detached. Some of you will read this and think I am being harsh, some of you will agree with me. Lets just agree to disagree. Dating in general is difficult. Dating with kids involved is even MORE difficult. Just don’t lie about it. Be proud of your child(ren). Be present with your children.

Back to Spermaton– He was not pleased that I was not wanting to date him. I believe the words, “You will regret not giving me a chance” came out of his mouth. He did a little more ‘begging’ and then just said, ok bye. I just couldn’t… I couldn’t. Please, for the love of God, focus on how to be a good father first! The right woman is out there for you. It just isn’t me. Am I the only one who can’t handle baby mama drama?

NEXT!