First of all, there is nothing wrong with a man who has cats. It’s definitely not a “must have” for me, but whatever. There were a few red flags with this guy that I should have taken seriously. He is almost 10 yrs older than me, divorced, lived about an hour from me, a car salesman, takes a lot of selfies, has cats and is obsessed with Tony Robbins. And my crazy brain thinks, WHY NOT!?

I had been talking to him for about a week before we actually met (I found him on Match). It just so happened that he was leaving town for Memorial Day to do some soul searching. Totally ok with that. However, the way he praised all that is Tony Robbins kind of concerned me. I called my mother to ask her if she had heard of this dude. She’s a psychotherapist so I was sure that one of her clients had brought him up. Turns out this dude does good work. Some life coach/motivational speaker person. Alright… so I’ll let that one slide. As long as he isn’t one of those people that believes if he sits on the couch and thinks positively that a check will magically show up in the mail for a million dollars. Those people exist.

The Selfies. Now, as a girl who takes them all the time, this may sound slightly hypocritical. However, I actually read that women who take selfies have more confidence. Although, my roommate explained to me that men who take lots of selfies tend to be sociopaths. Well that’s something to be concerned about. I can’t tell you how many pictures I had of him before I even met this guy. At least I knew he was real? And cute.

I drove down to his part of town one night for dinner. He was coming home from his soul searching (aka listening to Tony and writing out some life goals) and it was really the only night that we could meet up given both of our work schedules. I met him at his place and then he would drive us to dinner. He had a really nice house—until I walked into it.

He had two cats and about eight fucking litter boxes. Isn’t that a bit of over kill? There was cat litter EVERYWHERE. How could two cats make such a mess? And the smell—don’t even get me started on that. Apparently he was too lazy to clean the litter boxes every day. So his solution was to have multiple boxes. Really dude? You’re 33. You can learn to clean a litter box.

There were dishes all over his kitchen and I’m pretty sure he was using his counter tops as a pantry. I’m sure if I looked close enough his bread was probably molding. Does this man own a vacuum? He does realize he invited a woman over to his house right? I’m not a clean freak given my dog sheds like no one’s business– But! I almost always clean and vacuum before someone comes over to my house. Point being, men who have extremely dirty houses will not cut it in my world.

We walked out to his Golf Volkswagen… it was like a rolling closet. He had shirts hung up along the back seat so you couldn’t see out the back window. I kid you not, he literally had a rod between the two windows so he could hang everything. And, SURPRISE!, there were Tony Robbins books, CDs and papers everywhere! Oh this is going to be fun. We went to dinner and talked about life. It was good. He was polite and a gentleman. I went to the restroom before we left the restaurant. I was contemplating whether or not to continue this date or just call it quits once we got back to his house. I was on the fence about this guy. Anyways, I go pee and what do I find? CAT LITTER. How is that even possible?! How does it even get down there? When did I sit down in his house? The car? Ugh. This is so freakin disgusting I can’t even handle it. That made my decision. I was out of there.

We drove back to his house, I made an excuse, and I left. Moral of the story: Men—if you are having a woman come over and you intend on letting her into your household, CLEAN YOUR HOUSE beforehand. And don’t have eight litter boxes for two cats.

NEXT!